I feel like a useless wretch. Before all of this, I had felt so accomplished. Started Shaolin Kung-fu and yang style Tai-chi about six months ago, and had been excelling quickly at it. Had not smoked, nor drank, in all the time of my training. Lost weight, dieted, everything seemed rewarding. No males, no problems. Well it all went to shit quickly. Lo and behold I got sick and I've been out of training for two to three months. Gained all my weight back, if not more....
Alcohol came back into my life. Rearing it's ugly head...but how I love it so.
The American dream...
Change is necessary.
Many men have come and gone. Some cared more than others. Why is it I care for the ones who show less affection? Is it simply the past that has instilled this into my being? My morals and values... have they completely dried up? All in all I know I am a loner. Dying alone is my ultimate fate...but why sit here alone for so long, alive? Those movies and stories only poison the minds of the women and children, faint of heart. Sitting and pouting at the very thought of a romance portrayed so effortlessly. As if in life, it is as easy as those very stories we read. I shall not succumb to it, for I know better.
Negativity is not something I thrive upon, I just find myself in dampened spirits tonight. The reason for this very blog is for positivity, personal growth, and a sort of venting means. My dieting methods and exercise records will also be written here. With that I am of to sleep, for I have work at five fucking a.m.
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